History Repeats.

This is terrible. Just terrible. This trailer wasn't just bad, it was a pain in the fucking ass. It blew, is basically what I'm saying. Not in a way it could be deemed the worst thing ever, but in a way that I have developed a sick hatred for the movie, the play its based on, and all the shit actors in it. Especially the fat guy from the Naked Gun sequel.
He looks like SUCH a kid's actor! And by that I mean, he looks like one of those dumbasses that always gets a role in movies only children could ever stand to endure, like straight to DVD shits or movies themed around dogs. He'd be the villian, or the zany character that helps the tween protagonists. And he'd be cast purely because he looks like a stupid cunt and the casting directors know that kids enjoy looking at ugly people in unflattering situations.

The History Boys is just a remake of a broadway play, ala Chicago. Only this is no musical. At least I dont think it is. It's just the aforementioned fat guy going all Dead Poet's Society on a pack of British geeks. The problem is, the way it's shot and the way the actors present their lines is assumedly overblown to capture the theatrical vibe, and it does that. A little too well. Which is not good.
It's a film. It's cinema, you morons. If I wanted to see The History Boys on stage so badly (which I fucking don't), I'd figure out a way to get to New York, where the play has been playing for an obscene amount of years. Fuck your handheld camera embodiment of the grande stage. I shit on your ambitions. Get fucked.


The History Boys is gonna suck. I bet you anything the critics will agree too. And audiences. If they don't, I'll fully apologise. But that won't happen, because this is just a repeated of a repeat of an already not too original story. And what's more, in this version, you have to put up with the fat spastic in centre stage. Fuck!!!

The History Boys - Fox Searchlight Pictures
Anticipation Level: Stay unreleased.
Look out for: *gives icy glare*
US Release date: November 22nd, 2006.
Trailer Source

World War 2. God, I Love You!

What can I say? Who hasn't seen American troops charging to shore in those big boats that look like rental bins before, with their machine guns rattling and the sand exploding all around them. And the beach which is littered with those wooden crosses with the barbed wire around them? Yeah, I'm sure that was super effective. I'm sure heaps of guys fell for that one, they run to the wooden cross and get trapped in the wire. Must've sounded mighty good on paper.
Also, I love how every beach the Americans get loaded onto is the worst looking beach ever. It's never a nice, tropical, clean water resort. It always looks like they been sectioned to the banks of the East River. Which would also explain the high number of corpses lying around.

Trust Clint Eastwood to give us another American soldiers on the beach movie. Spielberg definately set the gauntlet, no doubt. But Eastwood is something more of a mystery, meaning this film could mean a lot more than just another foray into double-u double-u two. Besides, the guy's so old he was probably in the war.

His movie is Flags of Our Fathers, and for some reason, I'm feeling this has an awesome opening scene, and then.... it just follows some of Hollywood's lesser talented male leads as they contractually spread propaganda to their mainland. Jesse Bradford is a nobody. Ryan Phillipe gets really good parts, but isn't amazing. And the other guys are just randoms. World War 2 movies are really nice. But I like them to be more about the war, and less about the war effort. War effort is not entertaining. I don't think you'd find anyone in 1942, waking up in the morning, not being able to wait to knit another sock to ship to Iwo Jima. Its uninteresting, and I just really hate the fact that I'll be watching these guys complaining about how they should be back on the battlefield, and I'll be thinking "Yes, just steal a U-boat and get back there. I want to see more air raids and things blowing up."

Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is so washed out and dark in this movie. That steely blue tint that makes everything look like Clint Eastwood's face in Million Dollar Baby. Weathered and natural. I like it, I'm in no way complaining. The only thing I would say is, this movie might get pretty drab with an assload of scenes where some general talks to a native American non-stop about racism in the ranks and bullshit we've heard bajillions of times before, with no colour stimulation.... that might get a little tedious.


I can say though that the war scene/s look absolutely great, which is what will keep my interest drawn until I see it. I'm thinking this scene will make the rest of Flags of Our Fathers all worthwhile, and why wouldn't it? It's Clint Eastwood. Its WWII. It has beachage. It has ownage. True, it has Jesse Bradford. But it also has Japanese fighters, which may finally get a good name since the abymally bad Pearl Harbour. Bring that shit on.

Flags of Our Fathers - Warner Bros. Pictures
Anticipation Level: Medium - High.
Look out for: Some really good WWII-style action.
US Release date: 20th October, 2006.
Trailer Source

The Month That Was - October, 2006

There were 20 trailers reviewed in the last month.

Of that 20:

Nine reviews were POSITIVE.
Eleven were NEGATIVE.

Positive - 13 (Tzameti), Calvaire, Deliver Us From Evil, Babel, The Good Shepherd, Harsh Times, Requiem, Blood Diamond, Deja Vu.

Negative - Waltzing Anna, Fast Food Nation, The Amateurs, Sweet Land, Codename: The Cleaner, We Are Marshall, ...So Goes the Nation, El Cortex, Surf's Up, Deck the Halls, So Much, So Fast.

Three were rated a HIGH anticipation level.
Two were rated a MEDIUM-HIGH anticipation level.
Three were rated a MEDIUM anticipation level.
Three were rated a LOW-MEDIUM anticipation level.
Six were rated a LOW anticipation level.
Two were rated a STAY UNRELEASED anticipation level.
One was rated a STAY UNRELEASED. PLEASE! anticipation level.

Best of the Month - Calvaire.
Runners Up: Harsh Times, 13 (Tzameti).

The Bobcat Goldthwaite Dishonour Award (Worst of the Month) – Codename: The Cleaner.
Runners Up: Waltzing Anna, Deck the Halls.

Most Generic – Deck the Halls
Runners Up: Codename: The Cleaner, Sweet Land.

Most Original – 13 (Tzameti)
Runners Up: Calvaire, Deja Vu.

Most Anticipated Film – Calvaire
Least Anticipated Film – Codename: The Cleaner.

A Word from Ryan: Well, November 2006 marks the first year anniversary of the conception of this blog, but if you check the archives, you'll find a shambled, lost and frightened imitation of the blog that exists today. To be honest, it really doesn't seem like that long ago.
I suppose in retrospect, I should have deleted all those worthless posts from yesteryear, but then again, I enjoy being able to reminisce on the evolution of my blog, like staring at billions of years worth of cross sectioned rock, every layer representing a different stage of the existence of the earth's crust, or in this case, each lousy addition I choose to put into the daily review template.
Speaking of which, October was a super exciting year for The Hollywood Slump. I got a Site Meter gauge, which is located at the very bottom of the main page. And using this tool, I can now reveal that my blog attracts 6 visits a week, not including myself (because we all know how much I love reading my own punchy slurs). And I also now know that you guys stay on the main page for a whopping average of 29 seconds. That's enough to realise I'm reviewing some trailer for a shitty independent movie that came out 4 weeks ago and noone is ever likely to have heard of, and then click onto Youtube to watch clips of the last exciting episode of Smallville. Fascists.

Anyway, to all six of you, stay loyal. And tell your friends.
Tell them I think they're ugly.

Ciao, Ryan *kiss hug kiss hug kiss hug*

It's So Stupid. But So Totally Cool.

Jerry Bruckheimer is king of bringing the silliest, fuckin' worst concepts to the big screen in borderline acceptable ways. Armageddon was just... let's not even go there. The less Ben Affleck movies talked about the better (which prevents me from bringing up Pearl Harbour. Thank me later). Let's go to the archives. Con Air. What a terrible script. The Rock. Horrendous script on all accounts. National Treasure....! Come to think of it, it might be more Nicolas Cage's fault than Bruckheimer's. All those movies were trashy to the max, but they could have been way way WAY worse had it not been for lavishness and competent casting. Even the overly-edited PG-13 sex scenes hold up, somehow. And then came the stoopidest idea yet. Turning Pirates of the Carribean, some ancient attraction from Disneyland whose main hook was automated manniquins rocking back and forth to simulate drunk crooks with parrots on their shoulders, into a full length action adventure. The ride is basically looking at those puppets and listening to that 'Yo Ho, Yo Ho' song for about 2 miles of slow moving waterlogged cable track. Yet somehow, in some way, Jerry Bruckheimer saw success. And by golly, he turned stupidity into money, something he has made quite the living out of.

Deja Vu is his latest production, having taken a break from creating TV crime shows based around every single department of the American police force EVER. And I guess it's no surprise that whenever Jerry Bruckheimer secures a GOOD director to a movie, no matter how stupid the idea, it turns out pretty nicely. Gore Verbinski at the very least established an alright universe for Pirates, and Michael Bay established that he's a shameless tool by making the worst movies of the 90s. This time Tony Scott is at the helm, and we all know what that means. Saturated, grimey and tinged colours. Shaky cams. Black people that actually are the colour black. Frenetic pacing and hysteria all round.

I was really surprised to learn this movie was about time travel. I thought it was just some cop that sees visions or something. Apparently not. Deja Vu is basically Denzel Washington being clued in about the goverment's secret acquirement of technology that allows a first point view into the past. And I guess it plays a big role in figuring out who is responsible for a terrorist attack in the city.
It's farfetched because its a Bruckheimer production. Its got comic relief characters and jokes in an otherwise serious situation, which makes it unmistakably a movie to call his own. But Tony Scott almost looks like he's directing the movie to spite Bruckheimer, giving the half-baked concept some real edge and roughage, something that isnt exactly normal from the usual cliche-laden one-liner fest. Which this probably is.

It looks better than average though. With great looking action scenes (Denzel on a hovercraft and Denzel in a extremely high tech tactical hummer equates to major points) and some really spectacular imagery, I doubt this will be another Bad Company. Or Kangaroo Jack...



Deja Vu - Touchstone Pictures
Anticipation Level: Medium.
Look out for: I'm on the fence about the gimmick in the trailer. It plays the beginning and the end of the trailer twice, to fit in with the whole deja vu angle. I don't think it's that great. The best part of the trailer is actually the ferry explosion. I really like explosions and some really spectacular imagery, I doubt this will be another Bad Company. Or Kangaroo Jack...
US Release date: November 22nd, 2006.
Trailer Source

I Am President Of The People That Neither Love Nor Hate Leo Club

I don't know why I don't like DiCaprio. I just find him so.... inadequate. Bland, boring. Like a cousin that comes to your house every now and then and you're forced to spend time with him because he's around your age. Yes, that's Leo alright.
Outside of Catch Me If You Can, I guess I do hate him. Ok, so hate is too strong a word. I know there are a lot of people that claim to hate him simply because his face is pop culture's main representative of Titanic, biggest motion picture of all time and so on. A lot of people like to resent anything that might appeal to a hormonal teenage girl, whatever that thing may be. Titanic + globe of hormonal girls = #1 movie of all time. And those who can't join in the whitewash because of a damned inability to be aroused by Leo as a result of their uncontrollable sexual preference, direct their energies to completely senseless hate. Now, I myself think that Titanic is overrated and is only slightly above the notch of your average blockbuster, but please, if you're going to hate something without cause, at least come up with a lie as to why you hate it.

I love Djamon Hansou. And I lurve Jennifer Connolly. And you know what, from what is sampled in the Blood Diamond trailer, I'm beginning to wonder if Leonardo DiCaprio, Martin Scorsese's little bitch, may have it in him to impress me yet. I'm thinking Yes.

Blood Diamond is standard action fare dressed up superbly with grit and awesomeness. With a decent plot tenderised into it also. The action looks terrific, the leads as mentioned before, are great and I've really been enjoying Edward Zwick's projects, as he looks to be transitioning from an up-and-comer to an established and industrially known character. Who knows, if he keeps the ball rolling and prolongs his career to include more films that look as good as Blood Diamond, Zwick should be a household name in no time.

This movie should also be seen as a stepping stone towards a brighter direction for DiCaprio, as his Scorsese romps leave his characters with much to be desired for me. They're usually great movies, but helped in no great deal by him at all. Hopefully, he veers away from proceeding with yet another Scorsese movie so he can pull off something completely inspired and fresh. Howard Hughes is a good role to land, I understand that, but the stern no-good money-man in Blood Diamond complete with a nice South African accent is so much more pleasing, aesthetically and otherwise.

What brings all the potential to this movie though is not just the accents. Its the under-glamoured approach. Sure, it's unlikely a woman as beautiful as Jennifer Connolly would happen upon the anti-hero and decide to join him in his quests. If ever that were to happened, she would definately be a fugly, drooped beast with fankles and some sort of skin condition from being too senstive to foreign climates. She would not be Jennifer Connolly, I can tell you that.
Aside from that minor exception, there is a grungy realism here. For example, the title piece, the actual diamond, is not a brilliant shining gem sitting on a stone alter with a shaft of golden light dencending upon it. It's a mangled pebble found in a muddy river bed. And it's this pebble that is responsible for the high octane machine gun fights and a whole village's infrastructure worth of collateral damage. 'tis awesome.


I suppose when Leonardo DiCaprio isn't trying so hard to be a superstar, and is too busy running from cover to cover, dodging hurtling debris, he's not so bad. I still think he's robbing good roles off young guys that could probably embody the parts with more success, but having said that, I can't find much to complain about with this one here. Yet.

Blood Diamond - Warner Bros. Pictures
Anticipation Level: High.
Look out for: There are a lot of great moments. Especially the militia going crazy shooting up the entire town.
US Release date: December 15th, 2006.
Trailer Source

Does The Power Of Christ Compel YOU?

I am in no way a religious guy, and by that I mean, I couldn't think of anything more pointless than adhering to a way of life that denounces any sort of progression or evolution. Even religion's stance on the origins of life specifically shuns the mere concept of Evolution. Religion, to me, is nothing but a doctrine of control. Not dissimilar to a common constitutional law system. Just like regional laws, religion is a devised method of controlling vast numbers of people by scaring them into behaving. Community service, probation, jail and death sentences apply if you go against the law, which deters the majority of society. An eternity of suffering in Hell or a thousand year stint of endless tedium in Pergatory awaits you if you commit something as damaging to God's will as masterbation. Basic scare tactics can turn your fledgling little fellowship of peasants into the richest enterprise that has ever existed anywhere in the galaxy.

To become a Christian, you have to swallow a whole lot more than the blood and body of Christ. You have to swallow all the farfetched mania and tall tales that go with it. How can you silence all logic and assmilate to the views that the Earth is 6000 years old? And that dinosaurs co-existed with man? And that from time to time Satan just selects some girl at random and possesses her for no established reason?
According to Christian belief, or the Roman Catholic Church specifically, these are official recorded happenings in the eyes of God. Which just means that rather than editing a single line in the Bible, they create a new chapter that was accidentally omitted by God himself, perhaps as a test of our faith, just like EVERYTHING else is.

The German film Requiem is sort of a test of faith in itself. It's about an epileptic girl who thinks she has become possessed. Now, it's based on truth and fact, just like every other movie about possessed girls. I personally think Exorcist: The Beginning was the best documentary of 2004.
I just don't believe in any aspects of religion, so therefore, I can't even begin to be captivated by the thought that this is a gripping, historical moment. But that can't stop me from enjoying the film as fiction. It's what I call The Da Vinci Code Ultimatum. You either believe in Dan Brown's claim of Jesus having a bloodline and be compelled by the ideas, or you think it's a crock of shit and watch the movie for the fictional narrative. Which shows there are seperate means of enjoying what's in front of you.

Even though Requiem seems to be a touch too preachy about King of Kings Jesus Christ, it looks to do everything else right, from the bleak landscapes to the pasty people to the obvious extent on character development before Lucifer, for whatever reason, decides to destroy a family's life! The idea is no more ludicrous than ghostly grudges that kill people or monster sharks that stalk fishing boats, but there is a difference. Films like The Grudge 2 and Jaws sell themselves on their fiction, and claim to be nothing else. No hidden agenda. No subtextual propaganda. No implemented brainwashing in the form of conceptualized embellishment to digress the totalitarian regime of modern theology.
Although, I admit, The Grudge 2 does contain slight traces of the latter.


Ok, so the power of Christ doesn't compel me one bit, but...
The trailer of Reqiuem intrigues me!
The trailer of Reqiuem intrigues me!
The trailer of Reqiuem intrigues me!
THE TRAILER OF REQUIEM INTRIGUES ME!

Requiem - IFC Films
Anticipation Level: Low - Medium.
Look out for: Scary seizures and awful, bony hands reaching for crucifixes. Or is it crucifi? With Google at my immediate disposal, you'd think I'd just check. But I won't.
US Release date: October 18th, 2006.
Trailer Source

ALS. Wiki It!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amyotrophic_lateral_sclerosis

That will teach you all there is to know about ALS because the trailer of So Much So Fast, a documentary about ALS just assumes the audience is completely familiar with it. If I can be truthful, and I hope I always can be, I didn't know what ALS was until I saw this trailer. I mean, I'd heard of Lou Gherig's disease, which is just another, more hip name for such a trendy disease, and I've seen how intellectually decrepit Stephen Hawking looks, but I've never really delved into the facts. Increasing my knowledge of terminal illnesses that I could potentially get at any time without any way of prevention isn't of a priority right now. I'm already predicting I'll get cancer somewhere down the road. And that it will be in an embarassing place no less, so everytime someone asks what it is that's killing me, I'll have to say "The tumour on my weiner" or something like that. Ugh. I have luck like that. Srsly.

I can't say I'm looking forward to acquiring an immobilitating disease. Because I've always hated (and I know this is so incredibly wrong of me) people that joke about their own mortality or their own piss-poor conditions. I just hate that. I just really really hate that. There is nothing unfunnier than a crippled guy beaming about how he should run the New York marathon. Ha Ha Ha Ha. Prime-quality wit there.
Have no arms? That won't stop them from having a good old laugh at themselves. "I'd shake your hand but, you know." Yeah, I noticed the fact you have NO FUCKING ARMS as soon as I walked in the room. You don't have to make light of such a horrific situation. No arms. How in god's name is that supposed to be funny?
In general, I think gallows humour is only funny if its said in the context of someone's last words. Like Oscar Wilde's famous wallpaper bickering. Now that is one very hilarious, very gay man. On the other hand, Gallows humour in 16 year old cancer patients with an over-abundance of personality is the worst thing on the planet. Nothing shits me off more. You know, it's tough that the kid has cancer and all, but fucking give me a break. The disease destroying someone's body is not funny, and if someone doesn't have anything real to say about it, just shut up and keep your 'brave little senses of humour' to your fucking self. If you think cancer's such a big laugh, then why should I care that you have it.

So Much So Fast is a movie about a guy that basically never stop making jokes at his own expense. So you can imagine how much I enjoyed it.
It's not that I want this ALS sufferer to be depressed, and it's not that I don't want him to have a laugh, but please... there are people who laugh in the face of death, and then there are those who, in the face of death, laugh at themselves. And that is just weak.

In the So Much So Fast trailer, it's apparent that the guys in question were unfunny even before ALS intruded on their perfect lives. Listen to this ATROCIOUS best man's speech at the brother's wedding: "I can't imagine a better match for Stephen. Like peanut butter and jelly. And like Marge... and Homer. *crowd laughs, they love it*"
I hate these people. I guess their intentions of curing a previously incurable condition is a really great cause, but I just genuinly hate them. I can't think of anything worse than to listen to any more zingers from the Wheelchair of Comedy. A completely inanimate guy using his simulated voice computer to describe his sex life and that he wishes he had more sex on film is just a terrible thing to witness.
Honestly, you'll wish he never got the disease simply because that would mean you'd never have to hear his appalling attempts at self-deprecation.


These brothers, as well as the wife, are not funny. But they think they are hilarious. This documentary doesn't bring hope, it makes me just dread becoming that sort of person. See I don't think I'm that funny, I don't think I could provide laughs for a huge audience, and I certainly would NEVER have the ego to put a documentary crew together to shoot a movie with an angle of capturing how funny having a neurological disease can be, probably based on the fact their family always commented on how uproariously funny they both were.
So Much So Fast. So Shit.

So Much So Fast - Balcony Releasing (?)
Anticipation Level: Stay unreleased.
Look out for: Don't bother. Just don't bother.
US Release date: October 11th, 2006.
Trailer Source

I Feel Like I Just Watched The Entire Freaking Movie

Why would I pay to go see this now that I've already viewed the trailer? Why would I recommend others to pay to see it over watching the trailer for free on any number of free to access mediums. Apparently Fox have the elusive answer, although nobody knows it. They still always pull off big hits, when they basically shouldn't due to poor advertising. That being said, I have absolutely no education in marketing. However I am a patron, I am a consumer and I am part of the basis of the marketing strategies. I am the public. Although, I concur, an insignificant minority in said public.

Seemingly, 20th Century Fox have this really closely guarded secret as to why they are so good at succeeding with shitty holiday movies, even if they are given marketing approaches whose main objective is to squeeze all the milk (potentially rancid) out of all the film's big trailer moments. Just like how KFC claim to have 11 'secret herbs and spices'. Both are utter bullshit. Fox just get lucky in the fact that stupid parents will take stupid kids to a stupid movie no matter what, and they probably didn't even see the trailer. They are just so stressed out on having a bunch of kids for the day that they have to get away from any place with knives and into a place where it's dark and loud enough so kids won't hear them sobbing. And KFC is just lying to you. Those herbs aren't secret. What do you think they sprinkle the spicy leaves of the Burning Bush and grated root from the Tree of Life on your drumstick? Every ingredient they use has to be documented by dietary guidelines enforced by a health advisory, and if it's even too secret for that, than those really awesome spices they gloat about must be just clear chemical flavourings.

Which somehow brings me to Deck the Halls!!!! Gotta love the way I don't plan these posts at all.
As mentioned in the title, this is a summarised version of the actual movie. Basically 90+ minutes crammed into 2 awful minutes and 29 forgettable seconds. I suppose there may be some person in this world that wants to know under what context Matthew Broderick gets stuck on a sleigh in tow by runaway horses... but I didn't. And I still don't. And if you think that comedic situation wasn't cliche enough, Broderick ends up treading water in an ice lake. Then naked in bed being felt up and man-handled by Danny Devito. Soooooo predictable.

It's not hard to expose some satirical whimsy out of the Western attitudes toward commercialism, especially in a Christmas movie. This movie even fails to do that! It looks so by the numbers, so incredibly unsure if the kids will giggle at one thing or another, trying so hard to get a laugh out of the 'grown-ups' but trying even harder to dumb everything down. There is just no way I could ever EVER like it. Usually, my pre-judgement is collapsable, I can reconstruct a different stance if I'm wrong about a movie. But I am so sure about this movie being ass that I'm reinforcing this stance with 16 inch of concrete and a giant plate of steel. And that stuff don't come cheap.

If you want the plot, the trailer sums it up beautifully. The beginning, the middle, the end. And it reminds us of those other movies that panned out exactly the same way following the same damn formula and adhering to the same damn studio curfew. Just once I'd like a holiday comedy that for half the movie just follows the formula with the dad that tries too hard and hatches farfetched plans to get recognition, and instead of learning his family loves him regardless of who has the best Christmas lights in the third act... just have the father snap and shell everyone in the neighbourhood. And the rest of the film is just him versus everyone that managed to have a better Christmas display than him. Everyone that sucks, they get to live. But if you get him jealous of your deep pocketed over-extravagance, he'll put a shotgun in your figurative stocking and fire.

I don't know, maybe Fox are smarter than I give them credit for, and Matthew Broderick does actually in fact do that. But I somehow doubt it. I mean, it's Deck the Halls. Not Brutally Massacre the Halls. I only wish.
I'll be very interested in how this actually performs, because the way I've been talking, I make it sound like it's going to go through the roof at the box office. Now that I've said that, I've probably doomed it and this whole article will be warranted useless. I guess I'll give an update on it when it has its opening weekend. Truthfully, even though I'm too lazy to check its competition for that week, I predict fairly average takings of 17 million at #3. Having said that, I am not good at predicting box office numbers. The general public are far stupider than I can get my head around. The judging choices of the statistical public would perplex any mathematical theory or formula ever proposed. We are still yet to solve the phenomenon on the The Idiocy Syndrome running rife through heavily populated areas of media and entertainment.
Hmm, seems I've caught a spell of it myself...


Deck the Halls - 20th Century Fox
Anticipation Level: Stay unreleased.
Look out for: Ummmmmmmmmmmm, Maebe from Arrested Development with black hair!? God, what a stupid highlight to a movie.
US Release date: November 22nd, 2006.
Trailer Source

Real Water Is About To Become As Inadequate And Tacky As Claymation Monsters

With the rise in global population, and the access to fresh water diminishing accordingly, it's almost comforting to know that even though every living thing on this planet would die out and the atmosphere would eventually become unbreathable, that the super-AI driven robots we will come to manufacture will be still be able to produce films with water in them.
Similar to the challenge and feat of digitally restoring extinct creatures in Jurassic Park, the future of cyborg-made movies will be faced with the daunting task of digitally restoring an extinct universal solvent.

Good news for robots that are to become the dominant beings of the planet. Surf's Up is a worthy indication that artificial water is looking uncannily like the real thing. And I'm not even joking. The computer generated imagery for Surf's Up's cuddly penguin line-up is the usual glossy, individually photo-realistic feathers and fur stuff we've all come to expect from the ton of animal oriented animated movies. But the water, which is featured prominantly in the movie, is the true spectacle of the piece.
True to life physics, sun glare, ripples, waves, foam, sprays and droplets. It's scarily awesome. Mind you, if i took the Pepsi/Coke challenge with real and artificial versions, I would be able to differentiate completely. All I'm saying is, wow. And it can only get better.

To be honest, the movie itself could spare to look a little better too. Not visually of course, I think I've established this film is gorgeous to look at. But so was Shrek 2, partially. And that was a bitch to endure.
I really hate how the long development process of a CG movie creates the problem of overlapping concepts. The best and main example; the wars of similarity between Dreakworks Animaton and Disney. Shark Tale and Finding Nemo were largely similar and dissimilar at the same time. Antz and A Bug's Life were contenders, with both coming out strong. But I particuarly enjoy the feud between Madagascar and The Wild, whose contexts and ideas were hilariously identical. Madagascar won that battle by a huuuuge margin, moreso for the fact The Wild bombed so hard. And there will be a ton more casualties to come with every major studio with about a hundred new films starring exotic talking animals with American accents in the pileline. Each!

I bring up the overlap factor because Surf's Up is about penguins. Warner Bros. also have an animated film coming out which stars penguins named Happy Feet. I mean, tell me this, how is it that two different studios have the same idea at the same time. Penguins are a pretty random animal, lets face it. How did Warners and Sony BOTH have a penguin idea at roughly the same time? Let's not forget that Dreamworks' Madagascar featured penguins as major characters. Which was released while those two films would have been halfway into their development cycle.


My money is going on the Warner Bros. movie, simply because it looks better. It's got a better cast, for starters. The Surf's Up cast is just packed with lesser known actors , while Happy Feet has some of the biggest names of today. (Note: So did another Warner movie, Ant Bully....). Secondly, Surf's Up is an animated mockumentary about the penguins who invented surfing. While I like the genuine innovation, it is nevertheless a stoopid idea. Happy Feet isn't much better, and it has a shittier title, but looks way more accessible.
And thirdly, the Happy Feet trailer is a whole lot better. Surf's Up is superficially dazzling, but that won't make a trailer watchable alone. And that won't draw someone like me to an child-targeted movie. Nor will I see Happy Feet, but Surf's Up's method of 'Let's go the apprach of seeing the main character get dumped by a wave like a loser and have some fucking retarded, drunk chicken-hawk thing mutter some godawful punchline' is just patronizing to all involved. Come to think of it, it might be the gopher that sports that punchline. And yes, that does make a difference. Albeit, not a preferred difference. Trust me, the gopher fucking sucks.
Frankly, seeing that gopher die of thirst would make the apolalyptic drought all worthwhile.

Surf's Up - Sony Pictures
Anticipation Level: Low-Medium.
Look out for: The biggest star. The pretty water effects. No truly, I mean it, the next biggest star is like, Jon Heder. Or Jeff Bridges, but he's just literally big.
US Release date: 8th June, 2007.
Trailer Source