History Repeats.

This is terrible. Just terrible. This trailer wasn't just bad, it was a pain in the fucking ass. It blew, is basically what I'm saying. Not in a way it could be deemed the worst thing ever, but in a way that I have developed a sick hatred for the movie, the play its based on, and all the shit actors in it. Especially the fat guy from the Naked Gun sequel.
He looks like SUCH a kid's actor! And by that I mean, he looks like one of those dumbasses that always gets a role in movies only children could ever stand to endure, like straight to DVD shits or movies themed around dogs. He'd be the villian, or the zany character that helps the tween protagonists. And he'd be cast purely because he looks like a stupid cunt and the casting directors know that kids enjoy looking at ugly people in unflattering situations.

The History Boys is just a remake of a broadway play, ala Chicago. Only this is no musical. At least I dont think it is. It's just the aforementioned fat guy going all Dead Poet's Society on a pack of British geeks. The problem is, the way it's shot and the way the actors present their lines is assumedly overblown to capture the theatrical vibe, and it does that. A little too well. Which is not good.
It's a film. It's cinema, you morons. If I wanted to see The History Boys on stage so badly (which I fucking don't), I'd figure out a way to get to New York, where the play has been playing for an obscene amount of years. Fuck your handheld camera embodiment of the grande stage. I shit on your ambitions. Get fucked.


The History Boys is gonna suck. I bet you anything the critics will agree too. And audiences. If they don't, I'll fully apologise. But that won't happen, because this is just a repeated of a repeat of an already not too original story. And what's more, in this version, you have to put up with the fat spastic in centre stage. Fuck!!!

The History Boys - Fox Searchlight Pictures
Anticipation Level: Stay unreleased.
Look out for: *gives icy glare*
US Release date: November 22nd, 2006.
Trailer Source

World War 2. God, I Love You!

What can I say? Who hasn't seen American troops charging to shore in those big boats that look like rental bins before, with their machine guns rattling and the sand exploding all around them. And the beach which is littered with those wooden crosses with the barbed wire around them? Yeah, I'm sure that was super effective. I'm sure heaps of guys fell for that one, they run to the wooden cross and get trapped in the wire. Must've sounded mighty good on paper.
Also, I love how every beach the Americans get loaded onto is the worst looking beach ever. It's never a nice, tropical, clean water resort. It always looks like they been sectioned to the banks of the East River. Which would also explain the high number of corpses lying around.

Trust Clint Eastwood to give us another American soldiers on the beach movie. Spielberg definately set the gauntlet, no doubt. But Eastwood is something more of a mystery, meaning this film could mean a lot more than just another foray into double-u double-u two. Besides, the guy's so old he was probably in the war.

His movie is Flags of Our Fathers, and for some reason, I'm feeling this has an awesome opening scene, and then.... it just follows some of Hollywood's lesser talented male leads as they contractually spread propaganda to their mainland. Jesse Bradford is a nobody. Ryan Phillipe gets really good parts, but isn't amazing. And the other guys are just randoms. World War 2 movies are really nice. But I like them to be more about the war, and less about the war effort. War effort is not entertaining. I don't think you'd find anyone in 1942, waking up in the morning, not being able to wait to knit another sock to ship to Iwo Jima. Its uninteresting, and I just really hate the fact that I'll be watching these guys complaining about how they should be back on the battlefield, and I'll be thinking "Yes, just steal a U-boat and get back there. I want to see more air raids and things blowing up."

Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is so washed out and dark in this movie. That steely blue tint that makes everything look like Clint Eastwood's face in Million Dollar Baby. Weathered and natural. I like it, I'm in no way complaining. The only thing I would say is, this movie might get pretty drab with an assload of scenes where some general talks to a native American non-stop about racism in the ranks and bullshit we've heard bajillions of times before, with no colour stimulation.... that might get a little tedious.


I can say though that the war scene/s look absolutely great, which is what will keep my interest drawn until I see it. I'm thinking this scene will make the rest of Flags of Our Fathers all worthwhile, and why wouldn't it? It's Clint Eastwood. Its WWII. It has beachage. It has ownage. True, it has Jesse Bradford. But it also has Japanese fighters, which may finally get a good name since the abymally bad Pearl Harbour. Bring that shit on.

Flags of Our Fathers - Warner Bros. Pictures
Anticipation Level: Medium - High.
Look out for: Some really good WWII-style action.
US Release date: 20th October, 2006.
Trailer Source

The Month That Was - October, 2006

There were 20 trailers reviewed in the last month.

Of that 20:

Nine reviews were POSITIVE.
Eleven were NEGATIVE.

Positive - 13 (Tzameti), Calvaire, Deliver Us From Evil, Babel, The Good Shepherd, Harsh Times, Requiem, Blood Diamond, Deja Vu.

Negative - Waltzing Anna, Fast Food Nation, The Amateurs, Sweet Land, Codename: The Cleaner, We Are Marshall, ...So Goes the Nation, El Cortex, Surf's Up, Deck the Halls, So Much, So Fast.

Three were rated a HIGH anticipation level.
Two were rated a MEDIUM-HIGH anticipation level.
Three were rated a MEDIUM anticipation level.
Three were rated a LOW-MEDIUM anticipation level.
Six were rated a LOW anticipation level.
Two were rated a STAY UNRELEASED anticipation level.
One was rated a STAY UNRELEASED. PLEASE! anticipation level.

Best of the Month - Calvaire.
Runners Up: Harsh Times, 13 (Tzameti).

The Bobcat Goldthwaite Dishonour Award (Worst of the Month) – Codename: The Cleaner.
Runners Up: Waltzing Anna, Deck the Halls.

Most Generic – Deck the Halls
Runners Up: Codename: The Cleaner, Sweet Land.

Most Original – 13 (Tzameti)
Runners Up: Calvaire, Deja Vu.

Most Anticipated Film – Calvaire
Least Anticipated Film – Codename: The Cleaner.

A Word from Ryan: Well, November 2006 marks the first year anniversary of the conception of this blog, but if you check the archives, you'll find a shambled, lost and frightened imitation of the blog that exists today. To be honest, it really doesn't seem like that long ago.
I suppose in retrospect, I should have deleted all those worthless posts from yesteryear, but then again, I enjoy being able to reminisce on the evolution of my blog, like staring at billions of years worth of cross sectioned rock, every layer representing a different stage of the existence of the earth's crust, or in this case, each lousy addition I choose to put into the daily review template.
Speaking of which, October was a super exciting year for The Hollywood Slump. I got a Site Meter gauge, which is located at the very bottom of the main page. And using this tool, I can now reveal that my blog attracts 6 visits a week, not including myself (because we all know how much I love reading my own punchy slurs). And I also now know that you guys stay on the main page for a whopping average of 29 seconds. That's enough to realise I'm reviewing some trailer for a shitty independent movie that came out 4 weeks ago and noone is ever likely to have heard of, and then click onto Youtube to watch clips of the last exciting episode of Smallville. Fascists.

Anyway, to all six of you, stay loyal. And tell your friends.
Tell them I think they're ugly.

Ciao, Ryan *kiss hug kiss hug kiss hug*