The Ass in This Movie is Ass

Kidding kidding.

I've been having such a huge streak of movies that I've really really despised the look of over the past week, I can't help but thinking up really negative, not-exactly-clever but not-exactly-the-stupidest-thing-you-ever-heard-either review titles. Even though this one's was a COMPLETE throw away, I just couldn't bear to throw it away. Each and every one are like my children. Even though the only similarity they bear is that they are named long before they even exist. And even that bears no truth. Still... 'The Ass in This Movie is Ass'. Ooooh yeah, that one's going into the annals of blog history.

And that's the sort of self-deprecating humour that makes this blog worth its weight in gold. Zero grams. As there is no gravity in the virtual world, there is no weight as a subsequent result. And even so, virtual gold is worthless unless it's part of some fantastical online videogame and you actually know someone that's even more worthless than said virtual gold to buy it. Try Korea. Their price on a live person is approximately the sum of half a dead person. Communism = Escapism.

Ah, now for the impossible task of linking communist Asia with a movie about a woman who has never orgasmed. You're on you're own on that one.

The Oh in Ohio sounds like ass. Hence, my adorable and multi-layered headline. But in actuality, it doesn't look as bad as it sounds. The cast is solid, it doesn't look cheaply made or boring or overly lame or too 'we're adults, so we can make a movie about adult jokes' pretentious. But there's still the fact that this movie's central focus is a woman, played by Parker Posey, who has never orgasmed. Or even knows what a vagina looks like.
Hello!? The great apes would know what a vagina looks like. Mother Teresa would know what her own vagina looked like. Hey, dumbass woman, maybe the reason why you are having so much trouble with your orgasms is that you've had a dehabilitating yeast infection for 13 years that has destroyed every nerve ending in your pelvic area because you were too fucking conservative to check up on one of the most important areas in the female anatomy!?!?!

But, I suppose she's not alone. I've never looked at my inner thigh. I've never seen my knees. To be honest, I'm not even sure if I have knees. Which is why I'm too scared to check.

ANYWAYS, all this frustrates her husband enormously, he has an affair with Mischa Barton, Liza Minelli is some vagina-motivational-white-witch person. Think stereotypical lesbian. And then there's Danny DeVito, who has pummelled his career so fluently that now he is reduced to being the minute funny-looking therapist that appears in maybe 5% of the film's running time. And half of that is with his shirt off, which is shudderworthy to say the very least.
Ok, and what's with the trailer being so specific about DeVito. "and Danny DeVito as Wayne". Like we are supposed to know who Wayne is? Who the fuck is Wayne and how is that supposed to give us any more or less information about his character!? He's a minor character. Who cares? The fuck is with the Wayne?

Jesus, I can talk some shit...

The Oh in Ohio - Cyan Pictures
Anticipation Level: Low.
Look out for: Liza Minelli. From the look of her, you take pity. But she's actually a really comedic entertainer. She has a cool way of speaking and pronouncing. And wacky dancing. Check it.
US Release date: Way back in July, 2006. Yeah, I'm late to the party, so what, get used to it.
Trailer Source