It's So Hard To Escape The Claws of Disney!

You wanna know the worst thing about being committed to this blog now? The fact I have to watch trailers to movies I know I'm going to hate, the fact I have to watch something I'd rather not see. Like Tim Allen once again whoring himself out to the family-degenerate scene. Like Martin Short wasting any comedic talent on developing the character of a gimmicky villain in a threequel. Like not being able to deny this movie, nay, franchise even exists. I hope my hard laboured journalism is one day appreciated.

As if you haven't put together already (I mean, the logo of the film's title is right there! Unless there's a bad link or something, in which case, don't blame me) I'm bitching about The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. How many clauses can there be? Well, three apparently. And trust me, this is the stoopidest clause yet. For some reason there's this guy covered in shitty blue make-up with spiky hair that wants to be Santa Claus. How convenient for his intentions to coincide exactly with the third and final chapter of the gripping Santa Clause trilogy. I simply can't wait for this series to come full circle! And to see the fates of Santa, Jack Frost, that son-of-a-bitch little kid and those HORRIBLE animatronic reindeer come to a dramatic climax.

Ok, I saw the first film. Not sure how, not sure where. I actually think I might have seen it in cinemas... I really can't be sure. I have a dark dark cinematic history I would like to forget, and on the most part, I think I've succeeded. The second film must have slipped past my radar, because for some reason, I never saw it! I know, weird right? Can't believe I never gave a damn about Santa Clause 2!
I don't think I need to stress the complete lack of interest I have in this type of genre. I mean, obviously I'm not part of the targeted audience for this, but if I had a kid, and he said:

Ryan Jr.: "Daddy, Daddy, I wanna see the movie with Tim Allen as Santa Claus and Martin Short as that gay looking freak with no dignity!"

I'd say:

Ryan Sr.: "There's no way I'm sitting through that piece of crap buried in fake snow, let's see Casino Royale instead."

Ryan Jr.: "Is Santa in that?"

Ryan Sr.: "No. Santa is just a fictional character used to sell a whole heap of commercial product and merchandise. Like James Bond. Only James Bond could kick Santa's ass. And that's why we are seeing Casino Royale. Get your coat."

There is something semi-ok about this film. Not a redeeming quality, more like a notable effort. They incorporate time travel to events that take place in previous movies, ala Back to the Future. But from the look of it, it lacks the heart and invention of the latter series. I don't know, kids might find it clever, but it's basically an intergrated imitation.

The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause - Buena Vista Pictures
Anticipation Level: None.
Look out for: The part where the voice-over guy confirms this as the "final chapter of the greatest Santa story ever told." Thank Christ.
US Release date: 3rd November, 2006.
Trailer Source