Rupert Grint Is A Pale Douche

Rupert Grint: Has no charisma. Has no stamina. Has no attractive quailites whatsoever. Has no conviction. Is British.
He's a sod!
Julie Walters: Bint. Probably wildly alcoholic. Too much charisma for a senior citizen. Is British.
She is also a sod.

Put the two together and, like Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau before them, you get THE SOD COUPLE!

Awww, look at them, such a comedic dynamo. Julie Walters sitting there, descending further and further into her own inevitable dementia. And Rupert, good ol' Rupe (yes, that's right, of Thunderpants fame), sitting so coscientiously, looking like an AIDS sufferer on his way to the hospital for another blood check-up. Yeah, they're a real hysterical bunch. And chemistry!!! Oh, they get on like a house.
That's not on fire.
And it's not on fire because it's walls are packed with asbestos.

Driving Lessons is like asbestos, if only for the fact that you should stay far away from it. Only brave, brave Harry Potter fans should don a mask of ignorance and face the hazardous fibres of this movie's shitty and unlikely premise. Come on, a 17-year-old starts hanging out with the lamest granny ever and before he knows it, he's enjoying all sorts of activities like picnicing on a hill and driving his car on the pavement and looking like an anaemic.
And Julie Walters is such a tragedy. Caked make-up, a bajillion ugly hats with ribbons in tow and some horrid one liners that make Ron Weasly (or in fact any character with dialogue in Harry Potter) sound like a fucking crack-up.

Rupert and Julie, take this personal driving lesson, from me, driving extraordinaire:

• Stop driving on the pavement, because seriously, if you don't know the fucking pavement from the fucking road, then you're a fucking retard.
• Choose better movies, or just don't do any more movies. Anything, just as long as I don't have to try to care about you anymore.
• Leave Laura Linney out of it! She's a good egg, and you have no right to drag her down these avenues.
• Ease the brake and let the car gently coast off a ravine, check your mirrors one last time aaaaaaaaand we're finished. Or at least, you are.

Driving Lessons - Sony Pictures Classics
Anticipation Level: Low
Look out for: Laura Linney. She's the only thing that looks genuine and classy about this whole dreary affair. And her line "Mobiles give you cancer." is the ONLY laugh, probably in the entire film.
US Release date: 13th October, 2006.
Trailer Source