This Was The Role Alec Baldwin Was Born To Play... Over and Over, Again and Again

There's just something overbearingly sleazy about Old Man Baldwin that has always given me a dirty feeling. Although, never as much as his array of nobody brothers. (What about that one that went on that American celebrity fatty TV show. Jesus, he was fucking insane.)
But the dirty feeling I get from him is perfectly understandable. Look at his previous roles:
Along Came Polly - Prick boss.
Elizabethtown - Prick boss.
Fun With Dick and Jane - Prick boss.
Running With Scissors - The less said about that movie the better.
And of course, Mini's First Time - He plays a guy who loves getting his freak on with his 18 year old step-daughter named Mini.
He just gives me the creeps. Evidently.

This film is so hard to judge because I just don't know what the hell it is about. A girl hates her mother but loves her old, fat stepfather so she plans to drive her mother crazy by trying to convince her that she's being stalked? That's the most asanine thing I've heard all week. The title makes absolutely no sense to me. Mini's First Time? Her first time doing what? Terrorism?
Actually, it's prostitution, unless Mini was only kidding when she said she was turning tricks to her drunk and fluffy, pink bed-robe wearing mother, played by Trinity from The Matrix.

It's a difficult movie to understand because the premise, if that is indeed what the premise is, is so incredibly unbelievable. Who would go to these lengths to make your own mother think she's mentally unsound? It appears as though Mini is the one with a few cerebral malfunctions.
I don't know how it happens, but somehow a detective played by Luke Wilson is thrown into the mix, just to round out the unusual casting decisions to a whole. Everything seems misplaced, frenetic and travelling in opposite directions.
Maybe it's the trailer's fault, I dont know. But from it, I have no desire to see it and quite frankly, I don't think many people did when it was released a few months ago, so I'm not alone in this.

Maybe if they showed a little more Jeff Goldblum, who is, in my opinion, an extraordinarily gifted comedic actor, some degree of enjoyability might have been salavaged. But alas, Mini's First Time ends up as just another lacklustre, lacklustre, LACKLUSTRE trailer to go with my growing collection of lacklustre as fuck trailers. And it also adds one more notch to Alec Baldwin's bedpost of typecast roles, proving that he is the most consecutive prick/sleaze in modern cinema. No wonder my outlook on life is so bleak, with so much deterioration going on around me, even as I type. Will things ever improve!?

Mini's First Time - First Independent Pictures
Anticipation Level: Low.
Look out for: Carrie-Ann Moss. She plays a pretty good eccentric bitch of a mother. Maybe a little to well?
US Release date: Long ago, 14th July, 2006.
Trailer Source